War is a time when society searches for images that can maintain a sense of meaning, faith, and resilience. Women who joined the Armed Forces of Ukraine, who hold the front, volunteer, treat, and evacuate, have found themselves in the focus of attention of the media and the public. However, often the language we use about them balances between two extremes—infantilization and heroization. In both cases, the main thing disappears—the person and their right to be oneself, without the obligation to “embody the symbol” of the time or society.
Why heroism often distances us from reality
Heroization seems a natural response to the pain and loss of war. It allows us to see strength in the war experience, not just trauma.
“But when a female soldier or paramedic is described as “unbreakable,” “iron,” or “superhuman,” this is actually a way to emotionally distance yourself from her,” explains Olena Zapolska, a psychologist at the Masha Foundation. “Such narratives are convenient for society because they do not force us to see the pain, vulnerability, and consequences of war. However, at the same time, they deprive the heroine of the right to feel tired, doubtful, or powerless.”
The media creates images of superwomen: “Amazon”, “guardian with a machine gun”, “indomitable volunteer”. Such rhetoric erases real faces and replaces them with myth. This is how a real woman with her body, fears, and relationship problems turns into a symbol. The heroic image looks beautiful, but in reality, it only reinforces the expectation that a woman should always be strong. Because society is still not ready to accept her weakness.
Concern or depreciation?
There is another side to the problem. Appeals such as “our girls at the front” and “our fragile volunteers” are still heard in the public space. This vocabulary seems warm, but in reality it asserts a hierarchy—“we” (the public, men, the rear) protect “them,” the “weaker.”
“Infantilization masks distrust in the professionalism and subjectivity of women, their ability to make choices, bear responsibility, and speak on their own behalf,” emphasizes Olena Zapolska, a methodologist at the Unbreakable Center. “Such linguistic stereotypes shape a world in which a woman is an object of sympathy or inspiration, but not a conversation partner. Equality of position and voice are lost.
How to talk about war without losing your humanity
So, we come to the main question—how to talk about a woman in war in a way that does not heroize her, does not belittle her significance, but leaves her human?
“Gender-sensitive communication does not mean avoiding emotions or pathos—it is about balance and respect. Instead of talking about “strong women”, it’s worth giving the floor to the women themselves: how they experience the war, what hurts them, what holds them back, says psychologist Olena Zapolska. “It is important to show the process, not just the feat. Humanity restores the right to be simultaneously strong and tired, brave and confused.”
Language is not only a tool of description, but also a space of safety. When we choose thoughtful wording, we are not just “communicating correctly,” but recognizing equality and dignity. A woman with front-line experience should be neither a symbol nor an ideal. It is enough for her to be a person who has gone through war and has the right to her own voice.
The line between heroization and humanity passes where we stop seeing a person as an image, as a bearer of a role. Talking about women during war is not just a matter of style, but a matter of ethics. After all, it is language that shapes post-war memory and determines whether we will be able to build a society in which dignity does not depend on who calls it what.
If you or your loved ones are active military personnel or veterans and need psychological support, contact the Unbreakable Mental Recovery Center from the Masha Foundation. Here you can attend art therapy, yoga, and support groups. And also get individual consultations with specialists. And remember: recovery starts with taking care of yourself.
The Masha Foundation NGO implements the project, Expanding Access to Psychological Support for Women Affected by War, within the framework of the GIZ Ukraine project Gender-Sensitive Approaches to Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Ukraine, funded by the German government.
